The Statists of the Month for August are the communists who comprise the Everett city council. The Washington city's lawmakers won this award by passing legislation that regulates the once-free coffee industry. A law passed on August 16th unanimously by the council forces workers in fast food restaurants and coffee shops to dress modestly as opposed to dressing sexually - like waitresses have been doing since the dawn of time.

Violating the new modesty law could cost thousands of dollars or even land the barista in jail for up to a year.